Golden Leaves

Looking for a place to get away and read alone, together. Around the placid lake watching men and women spending the day fishing. In the cradle of mountains crowned with evergreens and aspens, the lake reflects the hopes and dreams of a new day. The fields of waist-high golden grasses cover up the marshy ground that wreaths the lake. It is the pinnacle of fall. The main attraction is the aspens that are burning up in golden fire. Though the leaves change every year in all the places I have lived there is magic whispering through these leaves that is unlike any other. We stop at a site where we can easily enter the golden wood. The final hurdle to adventure is a deceptively wide stream forded only by fallen limbs and smooth slippery stones.

 

After crossing with the grace of beached whale we finally start to wander in the trees surrounded by a carpet of leaves and pine needles. The light filters through the canopy in rays of  dusty sun. Trails meander to the right and left in ever dividing paths to the future. He wanders ahead scouting out an ideal spot. Following currents of autumn breezes along water rutted deer paths. The wood is full of flittering birds and curious squirrels, but the outside world is never far away with jets full of strangers flying overhead. Closer at hand dogs barking and engines revving try to break the mystery, but some magics are stronger than modern life. The amber waves and purple majesty engulfs us and draws us deeper.

 

In the forest, we find structures of wood, shelters that could have been created yesterday or decades ago. This place feels like it is between time and between worlds. The sun on our skin and the chill in the air balance each other in harmony. This day feels like a gift from the Father, and nothing dissuades that belief. Finding a place to relax into, backs against trees sitting on the yellow floor. In our own worlds, but in a world together. With book in hand, I open myself to the scene around me, letting it read me and reading it in return. I feel at peace with the world around helping me find peace in my soul. I feel content in a way that is only possible when you know it cannot last. Knowing that if this were the norm the magic would fade and the peace would break. Then we read.

 

The words help me relax, but also challenge me to reflect. Not only to reflect on myself, but on humanity and my place in it. Understanding the brokenness I so often find in myself and realizing that it is the puzzle pieces that help me fit in the lives of those closest to me. It is also the jagged shards that I use to keep others at bay. Both often seen most clearly in relating to the people I love. In this, I find hope, knowing that if I am ever strong enough to lay down my weapons they may someday become the ties that bind me to others. Grasping again that it is in weakness that we can find closeness. And that walls build to keep us safe are really our undoing, separating us further and further from the brokenness that makes us whole.

 

We awaken from the Salinas Valley as the light shifts through the trees and the hour of departure nears. Getting up shaking a bit of the peace and magic from our bones we start to step back into our time and our world. Heading back we see the world from the opposite direction, leading us down new possibilities. Some tracts appearing familiar, but the trees want us to stay and confuse our path.  He takes the lead and I follow where he goes. Trekking up and down the light continues to change.  Reassuringly we finally hear rushing water. Fording the river this time involves dipping toes in the mountain stream. Still unsure of which way to go our walk extends. Eventually, we find our means of deliverance and return to the modern world. It was a perfect afternoon among the golden leaves.

In The Room

I stand in a room.

The room is not new, nor am I new to it.

I just, for the first time or maybe not, realize that I am in a room and that the room is not the whole world.

It is my whole world though. I started building the walls to create a place that I could call my own, a place that would be special and unique. I had plans for great and marvelous things. At some point along the way, I started listening to others.

They told me that my walls were built wrong. They showed me hot to build walls. After so many years of their lies, my walls were as they told me the should be. My own designs were forgotten. My walls now all-encompassing, unyielding, and absolute. Built with vanity, pride, and shame.

In this room, there is a window. I am standing directly in front of it. It is covered in blinds. These blinds look shut tight. On the blinds is painted the most horrible picture. I think I painted it. The others told me of the horrors of the outside and that I should never open the blinds. They told me that truth and reality were in the room that I built and in nothing else.

I painted the picture to remind me of what was beyond. To remind me to stay where it was good and hide from the pain of beyond.

But...

But this room isn't good. I don't like it, actually I hate it. It numbs me to everything and constantly feeds me new lies.

I look again at the blinds, but this time they don't seem as tightly shut. I can see a light coming through. I take a step to the side to get a new angle and the light coming through becomes a blinding brilliance.

I cover my eyes in pain. I think that maybe it is dangerous out there and this is the pain the others told me of. But I already made the step, I have to see what is outside. My curiosity won't let me keep my eyes covered.

I finally uncover my eyes, its bright, but they start to adjust. I gasp, I have never seen such beauty. The colors are more than I could have ever imagined. I longed to be out there, but what if, for all its beauty, it wasn't safe?

But the longer I looked I saw people. They didn't look in pain, they looked free and filled with joy.

I had seen enough, I wanted to be out of the room, I wanted to be free.

Taking a step back in the room to find a means of escape, I stopped short. The room had changed.

No...

No, the room was the same. For the first time, however, I could see it as it truly was.

The room that I had built, that I had lived in, that I had felt so safe in, was the horror. The walls were built from deception, exploitation, and all of the filth from which I was trying to hide. I wanted to be sick. The light has revealed the depravity of my walls, but it also illuminated the door. 

Once I saw it I knew I must run for it. For if I stayed in the room much longer I would forget again. Trading sight for false security.

I ran emboldened by the truth I saw, I got to the door and I saw that it was locked. I was terrified that someone was trapping me in here. I looked again though and saw that it locked from the inside. I had been keeping myself in. I struggled with the lock, it was rusty since it had never been used. I got it open though, and I opened the door. I ran through into the dazzeling light.

I was free. Indeed I was free.

Intro Story

The traitor knelt before the queen. His words all spent and his sovereign left unconvinced. The queen, young to be on the throne, was trying to show the calm resolve of her mother, but the entire court knew that she would cry over the decision to execute the man before her. Kasi or rather Queen Kassandra since her mother died was trying her best.
“Austin, take this man to the dungeon we will execute him after the festival ends in three days’ time,” Kasi ordered with only the slightest waver in her voice.
“Yes, ma’am. I will put him in one of the dark cells scum like this doesn’t deserve to see the sun.” Austin gladly responded as he grabbed the prisoner. Since taking over from Aaron as captain of the guard, he had been eagerly following every order with the utmost efficiency.
Then again Austin had always valued efficiency. Since the early days playing games of wit against Aaron, he could never see how it could be advantageous to give a little to gain so much more. But he has time to grow he is barely into his 24th year. Aaron though retired was still teaching him and challenging him to games. Honestly, that seems to be most of what Aaron does these days with many of the castles youth. Youth who should be work, might I add.
Two if the worst were Luke and Andrew. Those two each have a half of a single brain. They aren’t the brightest, but even more than that they seem to have the same bad idea at the same time. And where one is getting in trouble the other one is nearby trying to avoid getting caught as well. Aaron has been a somewhat leveling effect on them, but I know before long they will disappear. Then sometime later a letter will arrive at the castle saying that they are either dead or have somehow taken over a hostile barbaric kingdom. Regardless, with the morning unpleasantries done preparation for the evening's feast continued.

“Welcome, friends, family, and distinguished dignitaries from near and far! We are gathered on the anniversary of the treaty that ended the war that plagued our lands for generations! We now have the ruling council on which all the kings and queens of the nations sit that works in tandem with the Parliament to govern and care for all of our peoples. Through these efforts a unified legal and justice system has been established! We operated with regulated commerce laws, roads, and currency. We are in the early stages of a time of unprecedented prosperity! As high queen this year on the ruling council, along with the high judge of the Parliament Braden we would like to welcome you to the feast! In addition to our feast here there are feasts being hosted all around the city that anyone may attend. Eat, drink, and be merry!” High Queen Kassandra welcomed them, exactly as they had practiced. She hated speeches. She memorized everyone she had to give so that she wouldn’t stumble over her words. On the outside, she was the picture of a queen, but on the inside, only her closest advisors knew she was terrified.
“Well, the poor girl is in way over her heard” Teri commented as she slipped out of the shadows.
Derek jumped only slightly at her voice as he has grown accustomed to her uncommon ability to appear where ever and whenever she liked with barely a sound.
“Well, I don’t know she gave her speech confidently enough.” Derek offered.
“You know as well as I do that it’s just a front.” Teri retorted.
“Yeah I know, so did you find anything interesting in the library? I assume that is where you have been since we arrived.”
“You know me well my dear. I found a book on the 12 uses of dragon’s blood. I have a few that I would add, but there are some I hadn’t considered before.”
“While that is interesting, not quite what I was referring too. Did you find anything relevant to the reason we have traveled so far?”
“Nothing terrible helpful, but I sent the kid to visit the master clerk’s office and the royal hall of records”
“I am sure he will—
“Ambassadors Derek and Teri! Our favorite people from the Grelenian Forests!” High Judge Braden bellowed.
“Greeting High Judge” Teri and Derek responded in unison.
“Oh no need to be so formal, we are all friends here!”
“Of course we are….” Teri whispered just loud enough for Derek to hear. Derek ever the diplomat smiled at his wife’s comment, which Braden misconstrued as a warm greeting.
As Braden was about to bore them with important matters of state a commotion arose in the back of the hall near the doors. Using this as a legitimate means of escape, Teri and Derek slipped over to see what the cause was.
Also looking into the commotion was Patrick, master of communications for the kingdom. While master of communication was his proper title his other service to the crown was far more interesting. Patrick was the head of the royal spy network. As a result, Patrick knew all the goings on in nearly the entire kingdom. For example within a few minutes, part of his network will report to him that Dawson, son of the Grelenian ambassadors was thought to be seen in the master clerk’s office, but disappeared before anyone could confirm.
When Patrick saw who was causing the commotion he rolled his eyes. Connor, or whatever he was going by tonight, was standing on the table reciting poetry. He always seemed to be both, right where he needed to be and where he was most unwanted.
“…kingdom thought whole.
Where a queen will lose her soul.
Darkness breeds and division grows strong.
A night may fall we will know before long.
Where chaos reigns when Parliament falls.
And all will weep, and death will—“ Connor belted while accompanying himself on the lyre.
“GET THAT MAN!” Austin screamed. Patrick just rolled his eyes again. He knew well enough that Connor could do no real harm, but them no one could really get the reason for decorum across to any of the palace guards.
In the commotion, Dawson slipped in, nearly as quiet as his mother, but he only inherited part of the gift.
“I got what we need,” Dawson said.
“Good we should take this distraction to slip away,” Derek responded.
“Everyone! Everyone! Please calm down! There is no need for the commotion. Please return to your conversations. Ignore the ravings of a man who has clearly had too much to drink.” Brett tried to calm down the crowd. Brett the ever faithful steward of the king. In all honesty, he is the only reason the kingdom didn’t fall apart when the queen died.
After that, the evening continues much like parties of that nature usually do. State secrets were traded and alliances made. But everyone who had heard the bard’s words remembers them. Many had been barely listening, but now they could hardly think of anything else. Was the alliance in danger? How would the queen lose her soul? Was the Parliament to be trusted? Everyone left that night unsettled and wondering.

Sermon: Everybody is Somebody in Christ's Body

Sermon Notes
1st Corinthians 12
Ben Loos

We are a body.

One body many members.

We are one, but different. We each are given a gift to promote the common good. With out gifts we are to serve the body, knowing that we can't fulfill all roles, but we are the ones who must fulfill the roles we are given.

When even one small part of us is hurting it effects us all.

People who don't feel like they are needed, that their contributions aren't needed. The person with foot gifts and graces looking at a person with hand gifts and grace and because they feel useless and like they don't belong. Flipping on Instagram and see people living a different life than you  are and the comparison game gets worse. We can't do  everything and if we could we would be God. We can rejoice that we were never meant to be God. We are created to be exactly who we are, exactly where we are, doing exactly what God has called us to do. God doesn't need 500 ears, that would be weird.

We need to trust that God has a plan and embraces diversity. God embraces unity, but not uniformity. Yes there are a lot of gifts, but the same Spirit. We are different, but not because of a different or bad spirits. Rather these are the gifts of one Spirit composing the body in a beautiful way. With the same care he organized the stars and celestial bodies he has placed in the exact place that we currently are.

It is only culture that places different importance on different roles. I am going to be me because God has made me significant. Its hard to feel valued if you contribution is never acknowledge, though. The way to keep a body healthy is bring honor to the parts that often get ignored. Every single person matters to God. Every single name, ever single day.

To those who feel they are self-sufficient and want all the roles for them self. They must realize that they don't have all the gifts. Both words in the Greek used for "gifts" totally debunk the pride we feel. This gift is just that, a gift. There is also a fear of lack of control and lack of importance. We need to trust, but it is scary to trust.

To go over and admit that we have need of others is a loss of control and an exercise in faith. How others do it may be different, but it can still be beautiful. We need to trust in God rather than in our own gifts. If we would trust we would praise others for their gifts rather than judging or tearing them down for the gifts they lack. We are a body, we are here to learn on one another  and be made more beautiful through the diversity of those around us. We are better for not being self-sufficient. We are sufficient through Christ alone.

Sermon: Roots and Shade

Sermon Notes
Jeremiah 29:1-14
Ben Loos
First Sunday in the New Building!

Circumstances

We did not choose
We do not like
We cannot change

God says stay.
All around, the world, says we should not be content, that we should rebel against our circumstances.
Why shouldn't we?

It is for our good. God is giving us a future and a hope, but this is part of his plan. Movement is not always progress. When we stop and are quite we can better discern the will of God for our circumstances. Until we do we will never learn how to just be in light of who God is in relations to us. There are things we can only learn in exile.

How do you develop character unless you are in a situation that is shitty enough to actually require you to have it? How do you learn steadfast love unless you are somewhere long enough to have your rose colored classes crushed? We, often, must stay somewhere that is hard so that it can be the stone on which we finally break our masks.

 Learning dependence on God and growing in delight happens in the purest way when we are in situations that we have no other hope. God is with us in exile.

God has rooted us and we are to be shade for those around us. God uses us to bless that nations and people around us. Either we go willingly or God will plant us where he wants us.

God so values that people are rooted and bless the community they are in that he spent 30 years in a podunk town. THE CREATOR GOD OF THE UNIVERSE TOOK ON FLESH AND SPENT 30 YEARS IN A SMALL TOWN. It is possible to be everywhere and nowhere. Big goals aren't bad, but sometimes the goal can be so big that we aren't able to do anything.

When we are rooted in a neighborhood and have a healthy sense of responsibility we are able to change the world one neighbor at a time. God has placed us where we are so that we can have ordinary interactions for the sake of the gospel and people's eternal souls.

With limits come focus and boundaries come directions. For the whole world to be reached 16th and A has to be reached. Someone has to engage with that calling.

Sermon: What God's Looking for in a Building (Fig-ure of Speech)

Sermon Notes
Mark 11:11-26
Ben Loos

The fig that Jesus walks by has the leafy green appearance of health, but it is sick and not bearing fruit. The temple is the tree, the people of God are the tree. It looks good and healthy but it is a den of sin and secularism.

The outer court of the temple; the court of the Gentiles, the one place that the nations could learn about the one true God was a marketplace. A marketplace similar to our trading floors and add in livestock. The quiet place of reflection where the nations can seek the Father has been turned into a place of exploitation and a den of robbers.

We are meant to align our actions and desires with the owner of the house. The temple should be a place for God to feel at home. Are his comforts our comforts? The house of God should feel like home. A place of restoration and refuge for the weary and the weak. God wants us to come home and live with him.

It isn't home until we go through hard and beautiful things. Moments of pure joy and moments of sheer heartbreak. Warm conversations and spilled coffee. Hot tears and uncertain outcomes. Times when we feel God in every nerve in our body and times we feel alone in the world. Through it all coming together in love as family. Then it will be home.

Jesus invites the rich and poor alike. We are all equally undeserving of the great grace of God. God only receives the poor, because that is all he sees. Even our poorest offerings ( money, time, devotion) God will take it and multiply it.

We are the Gentiles, Jesus was knocking over the tables for us. We were the ones being excluded. We are the ends of the earth, not the center. The gulf Jesus overcame for us is so much larger than any we will have to overcome. We are the temple, we are the house of God. Where we meet, heaven and earth meet.

Steam Rising (Musings on Insomnia)

Steam rising at dusk's embrace.

The moon looks down on the silent world. Keeping watch over the hidden workings of night owls and specters. The coming and going of those ignored by the light of day. Forgotten by the watching world, unheard in their whispers with the moon.

I enter this sacred space and revel in the peace that can only be attained in the embrace of the evening. When the anxiety of life seeps into the moment between and my thoughts fire over and over, I long for rescue and restoration.

Steam rising in the middle of the night.

Fitful sleep flees from my grasp. Dreams and nightmares war again, no victims but my sanity. As the night lingers on I wander the halls like a shade of the mists. Searching, seeking for something that simply fades away.

The object of my longing as ethereal as the thoughts conflicting above. A clear path eludes me as I drift between reality and midnight musings. I cannot begin to grasp where mind and body end. Reliving the highs and lows of the sun drenched day.

Steam rising in the middle of the night.

The nights embrace weakens around me and the resignation of a sleepless night sets in. The ethereal becomes tangible and the lies of the night are shown the harsh truth of the dawn. I greet the morning with weariness, felt bone deep.

Battle worn I watch the last vestige of night burn away. Forgotten are the desires and the pursuits of moonlit visions. The concrete concerns of waking light return a clarity of mind found only in worry. Another day collecting fatigue before the all consuming embrace night.

Steam rising to the glaring sun.