Farmer Finn

A simple farmer plows away
Doing about the same each day
Sometimes he must go into town
Same plan, same goods, same road to walk down

A dear sweet wife he has named Jane
He loves her dearly though some call her plain
He has hope of a life to put her at ease
Able to give her whatever to please

As he walk it starts to rain
He knows the water could ruin the grain
So up the way he finds a cave
Hes never been in but he can be brave

He settles in as the rain gets worse
As he sits his ear hear an unearthly verse
Not sure what it might be, he explores
He starts to see light on the ceiling and floors

The music draws him as a sirens call
Faster he goes over obstacle and all
Then he sees whats calling out
Its what hes wanted with no doubt

The golden hilt encrusted with jewels
The power to conquer in this beautiful tool
Taking it in his hands he sees what could be
This sword could give him all that he sees

The power, the riches, the fame, the glory
The very ability to rewrite his story
Along with this he saw what he would lose
All of this or his wife, he must choose

The rain has stopped, the grain still good
He trades the wheat and sells the wood
The day is done, and no more rain
He heads home to see his Jane

Refined

Rugged and unrefined
In impurity, we are mined
Taken while we still sin
Our own salvation trying to win

This way we do not stay
When at His feet our life we lay
A hunk of ore waiting for a master
Unlimited in the hands of a caster

A flame hotter than any before
Feeling unstable from crust to core
A life saved thrown into upheaval
Laying plain our hidden evil

Through pain and loss, ourselves revealed
Deepest secrets and wounds unsealed
Molten through the heat and fire
Slag exposed, more refining required

Liquid to solid, the shine made clear
Purer now, the change sincere
Receiving closure as injuries heal
Better than before but not yet ideal

Monster Within

Tethered to a monster on the day of light
Always it will try to steal your fight
With you as a shadow until death
When you greet eternity at last breath

At first it is wild as a feral dog
Favoring attack and forgoing dialogue
Ripping and enticing, then running away
Assaults and temptations coming night or day

Further you grow and longer you walk
Truth is your guide, leaning on the Rock
Learning the roads protected from the beast
Serving the King by being the least

But the monster learns and grows as well
Refining its methods, your doubt it can smell
Forgoing the wild, brazen onslaught
Focused and precise like a sniper's gunshot

Putting on the armor that shores up holes
Learning how to operate life's controls
Sharing the light that has grown within
Gaining wisdom to choose right over sin

The enemy now skilled as any lawyer
Just needing words to be a destroyer
Showing you your failure and weakness
Requiring nothing but unending bleakness

The enemies most deadly and desperate skin
But you can now tap the power within
The cleansing and pure Spirit of God
The Flesh defeated, His salvation we'll laud

April Resolution

I have commitment issues so I decided not to make a new year resolution. Instead I decided to make 12 New Month Resolution. So far they have went okay. For January I resolved to join a gym and try to eat healthier. I did join a gym but that is where that resolution died. In February I wanted to learn three new things. I succeeded in that I learned a new test at work. I learned to knit. And I also learned somethings about myself. Then in March I renewed my January resolution and this time is was a success. I have made it to the gym 5-6 days a week for the last month and I have improved my diet drastically.

So now that I am reaching the end of yet another month it is time to decide on a new resolution. I tried Googling good resolution, but I came up with no solid ideas. I got the common ones, improve yourself, improve your finances, and to make a major life change. All of these however are pretty vague and don't really fit. So now I am on the quest for another resolution. For anyone reading this I am open to suggestions. I however make no promises to use anything suggested. I have seen the disasters of things left up to the internet to decide. If you need proof just Google Boaty McBoatface.

Getting in the Rhythm

So an update on my goals. I have been going to the gym (Omaha Barebell) 6 days a week for about a month now and I seem to be in a rhythm. Its not easy by any means, but it is normal to go regardless of if I want to or not. The workouts I am doing just got switch up again and I am trying to get used to them. I just started using a new preworkout that I am really liking. Pre-Jym check it out. I have found my time I like to go, past 8 is when the gym is the emptiest. I workout at the same time as some other guys I am getting to know. Now that the newness is worn off it isn't a high that I am working on anymore, but this just being a part of life is better. I have even started to feel stronger and see results. I love my gym and the time I spend there.

I think staying committed to going to the gym is simply making it a part of your life and remembering why you started this in the first place.

Oh the Places I Would Go

(per a suggestion by Grant Sundberg)

I have spent many hours dreaming of exotic places and far off location to travel to some day. Many places have crossed my imagination from tropical paradises, arctic tundras, planets of fiction, and even right around the corner. Picking a top ten will be challenging, but here goes nothing. These are in no particular order.

Angkor Wat
Angkor Wat has long held my fascination. The history that it has been part of and the lives that it has seen could fill books upon books. Places like this hold the weight of history and culture. This massive Hindu temple was created under one of the great empires of history. The legend holds that it was created in one night by a divine architect, while I doubt the validity of this it is something that I must see with my own eyes before I die.

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
Hogwarts, located in the Highlands of Scotland and has been the premiere educational institution of magic for young witches and wizards for over 10 centuries. Besides being picturesque with its towers and stone work, it has also seen some of the greatest witches and wizards to ever walk the earth. Hogwarts makes my list because of the history, world class education system, and the chance to catch a Quidditch game on a clear day.

Berlin, Germany November 9th 1989
The destruction of the Berlin wall was a symbol of oppression and communism. The wall was the physical representation of restricted travel and communication between Russian controlled Eastern Europe and Western Europe. It was also a major step in the ending of the Cold War. This event makes my list because it was a a pivotal point for Europe and a major event in human history.

Gallifrey 
The great home world of the Time Lords, the watchers of the universe. To visit the plant of the people who perfected time travel and created unbelievable gadgets (my favorite being the sonic screwdriver and the chameleon circuit) would be mind blowing. To see the battle grounds of the time war and to walk where the greatest of their warriors walked would be the best trip I could hope for. All of these things and the slim chance to meet the Doctor is why Gallifrey made the list.

Crater Lake
Crater Lake is one of those place that calls my heart to visit. It is a beautiful display of creation and it would be a wonderful place to commune with God and nature. I would love this to be part of a larger trip of hiking the PCT, but I would take it all by itself as well. This makes the list because of its sheer beauty.

The Moon July 20th 1969
"That's one small step for man, on giant leap for mankind." This would be amazing to be part of. The first time a human stepped foot on a celestial body other than the earth, it had to be breath taking. To step where they stepped, and if I was there I would have only demanded to be 3rd. Lets be serious very few people know who the third man who stepped on The Moon was. So for the universal ramification this event could have it makes the list as well.

My Funeral 
Though some may find this part of the list morbid I do have a good reason for wanting to travel here. I want to travel here so that I can hear the things people are saying about me and if I don't like what I hear then I will be able to change my life accordingly. Just Kidding. I want to be there to make sure everyone who out lasts me shows up and says really nice things, otherwise I will hit them with my cane.

Pamukkale, Turkey
These waterfalls are made of mineral deposits from the natural hot springs. It has long been a religious and cultural spot for many of the people who have inhabited Turkey. The water are said to have many healing properties and are listed as a World Heritage Site. The reason they made the list is well look at them wouldn't you put them on your list too?

Jacksonville Florida The Summer of 2012
There is really no reason that I don't want to go back to Jax this year. I made some great new friends, I deepened friendships I already had, I had an amazing team, and I even some days liked my job. I miss Rita's on the beach, Angies Subs, and Tijuana Flats. I grew and learned more about myself and they way I lead. I was able to see life transformation in the people around me. And I miss the sun and the warmth.

Marianas Trench 
My last entry on the list is my deepest as well. I think there is something poetic about being at the lowest point that is reachable on the earths surface, knowing that wherever you go its all up. It is a great reminder that even the lowest points in life are just the starting points of our next great adventures.

So that is my list of where I would travel to if I could travel anywhere. Have a great day and find your next adventure. 

Death by Indifference

“The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference.” ~ Elie Wiesel

In our world, America for sure, we have a small portion of the population that hates intensely. We also have  a small portion of the population that loves as intensely as the other hates.  However the vast majority of our population is indifferent. Recently we have seen both the groups that hate and love become more vocal attempting to cancel each other out. 

Often you hear nothing will change if those who are indifferent don't step up. This is not true things will continue to get worse. Unless those who have forfeited their voice take it back and speak out against the hatred love will never win. 

If everyone chooses to use their voice there will be more added to the hate group, but I think an overwhelming amount would join the side of love. At least I hope so. So take back your voice and show love. 

My Day A-Z

Awake...again.
Breathing, always a plus.
Convincing myself that I really need this job.
Downstairs to find my wallet and keys.
Eating is good but time consuming.
Front door slamming behind me.
Got to work just in time.
Helping people and answer stupid questions.
Imagining myself in a hammock somewhere else.
Journaling and reading The Word.
Killing time before lunch.
Lunch :)
Making my steps around the building.
Needing a nap, but lunch is over.
Oh my a monkey could do my job.
Peace in unexpected moments.
Questioning my choice of going to college.
Relief that I get to leave soon.
Slow commute home.
Throwing things together for supper.
Up and off to the gym.
Varied lifts to slim down and build muscle.
Wash off in the shower.
X-ing off episodes on my Netflix watch list.
Yawning because its almost 9 pm.
Zzzzzzzz

Adulting

Adulting is hard.

When I was younger I looked forward to being an adult more than anyone around me. It wasn't for the obvious reason either, I was excited to balance my check book, cook my own food, and get a really cool job. Admittedly I was a bit of a strange kid. Even though most kids didn't look forward to those things most of us couldn't wait for the freedom of being an adult.

In the past few years I have realized I will never be as free as I was as a kid. As an adult figuring out a budget, buying food and then cooking it, and realizing no job is as cool as I thought they would be when I was a kid, I gained a whole new respect for my parents. I am currently just taking care of myself and I feel overwhelmed. I can't imagine taking care of 2 kids, as well. My parents were magic I am convinced, taking care of all of my brother and my needs on one paycheck.

I am amazed that my mother continued to feed me after I even once complained about what she made for dinner. I currently rotate on about 3 meals and I expected her to have a different meal every night and for it to be ready the instant I wanted it. If I had been in her position I would have fed us a lot more cereal and made us go to bed without supper when we complained.

I find myself even more grateful that my parents continued to go to their jobs. When I was a kid I assumed that everyone loved the things they do. I couldn't even imagine that someone would do something over and over again everyday if they didn't love it. Now I know my dad didn't have a fun job, he didn't have an easy job, but he kept going so that we could continue to have food and shelter.

Maybe I am forgetting any bad points in my childhood, but I don't think so. I remember times when things were leaner, but my brother and I never went without the things we needed and we never felt unloved. So now with perspective I offer my thanks to parents everywhere who made things work even though life is hard. Especially thanks to my own parents who managed to raise to fairly normal kids.

Summer

I love summer, or more accurately I love all of the things that you can do in the summer. Following this wonderful bit of warmer weather I have been longing for summer more than usual. I am ready for warm rain, long evenings and starry nights. I am excited to spend time with my friends and make some new ones. I want to have cookouts with my family and do amazingly fun things. So in an effort to help focus my desire for summer I am making a summer bucket list.

1. Spend time in a hammock at least every other day.
2. Spend the day at an amusement park. (Already have this one on the calendar)
3. Go camping. (Preferably many times in many states)
4. Play video games for far too many hours in a row with a bunch of people.
5. Get accepted into the Clinical Counseling program.
6. Have a float trip with fun people.
7. Read an new series.
8. Binge watch an entire series.
9. Climb a mountain and camp on it.
10. Go to the gym the majority of the day in the summer.
11. Spend the day on a lake.
12. Play mud volleyball. (And many games of sand volleyball)
13. Get a great tan.
14. See all the people I love.
15. Take a road trip.
16. Walk 10,000 steps a day
17. Get a tattoo. (Maybe more than one)
18. Relax.

That felt good and now I have goals for the summer so that it doesn't just pass me by again. I encourage everyone to do this!

Every Watch

You will not fear the terror of night,

nor the arrow that flies by day,

 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,

nor the plague that destroys at midday.

~Psalm 91:5-6

I read the above verse for my time with God this morning. I had to post it because it is such a comfort. That we have no need to fear at anytime of the day, because God is always with us. It is just what I needed today.

Out of the Flame into the Fire

With the current political situation I have started to fear that America will never be the nation that it once was. That even if there are up swings we are headed in an overall downward trajectory. With freedoms of some protected while others are exploited. With people doing whatever they want whenever they want, giving no regard to who it hurts. Even within the church seeing people who are disillusioned and self centered. Then I wonder why am I surprised.

Often I believe that I subconsciously think that God Bless America is in the Bible, but God never promises that the nation we live in will prosper. The one nation state that God interacts with and favors in the Bible had a really rough go of it. All through history the people of God have faced pain and persecution, they have been conquered and put into captivity. Where did we get the idea that we, as Americans, are divinely chosen to be the most prosperous country in the world? And that even if we are blessed to be prosperous that it won't be a difficult, painful process that will separate those truly seeking the heart of God from those who aren't.

Though I don't like the potential political landscape of the United States, every time that the nation of Israel went through terrible circumstances in the bible it sparked a renewed devotion to God. The people who lived through it gained renewed vision and were very usable for God's will.

For most of my life I have braced myself for the next bad thing that was going to happen. Dreading the idea of going through another painful situation that could take any amount of time to resolve itself. This week I was challenged to focus less on the situation itself and instead focus on the result. After processing a while I realized that after the hard times I was in a place where God could work most easily. I was brought low so then I could be rebuilt into more of the image of Christ.

Although my flesh cries for comfort and ease in life, I know that getting that would cause me to stop growing. I need the challenges and the upheaval in my life to really spur my growth and more importantly bring me to a place where I am ready to grow.  So regardless of what happens in November God will still be good, Jesus will have still died for our sins, and it might just bring us to a place where the church can grow.

Forever We'll Be

Based on a video I watched today...

A story of rights, rituals and rules
Revealing how quick love makes a fool
Seeking an ever elusive prize
Sifting through the truth and lies

A glimpse caught, from across a room
But it will lead to eventual doom
Hope persists and moves my feet
The dance again ends in defeat

The scene plays out a thousand times
Fueled by liquid courage and lime
Reaching the point of desperation
Running around in utter frustration

The resignation starts to set in
Wondering what was your deadly sin
Denied the promise of loving embrace
Hopelessness smacking you right in the face

Doing the motions, because life must gone on
Accepting the pain at each passing dawn
Pondering the past full of strife
Have I been unlovable my entire life?

Entirely unassuming, but chance plays its part
A new companion and my life restarts
Developed without any ruses or games
A love so pure my heart is aflame

Quickly restoring a part thought dead
Unsure, caught between heart and head
Give in with the chance of passion and pain
Or harden my heart and from life abstain

This is my chance, the moment I decide
My stomach is twisting and turning inside
I take the hand and bind my soul 
And I am sure, at last, I have filled the hole

The joy inside rarely held before
I have the partner I want, I need no more
Life is not easy, but you're next to me
Together in all, forever we'll be

Monster

Monster by Imagine Dragons

Ever since I could remember,

Everything inside of me,

Just wanted to fit in 

I was never one for pretenders,

Everything I tried to be,

Just wouldn't settle in 

If I told you what I was,

Would you turn your back on me?

And if I seem dangerous,

Would you be scared?

I get the feeling just because,

Everything I touch isn't dark enough

If this problem lies in me

I'm only a man with a candle to guide me,

I'm taking a stand to escape what's inside me.

A monster, a monster,

I've turned into a monster,

A monster, a monster,

And it keeps getting stronger.

Can I clear my conscience,

If I'm different from the rest,

Do I have to run and hide? 

I never said that I want this,

This burden came to me,

And it's made it's home inside 

If I told you what I was,

Would you turn your back on me?

And if I seem dangerous,

Would you be scared?

I get the feeling just because,

Everything I touch isn't dark enough

If this problem lies in me

I'm only a man with a candle to guide me,

I'm taking a stand to escape what's inside me.

A monster, a monster,

I've turned into a monster,

A monster, a monster,

And it keeps getting stronger.

I'm only a man with a candle to guide me,

I'm taking a stand to escape what's inside me.

A monster, a monster,

I've turned into a monster,

A monster, a monster,

And it keeps getting stronger.

I heard this song today for the first time and I liked it instantly. I liked the sound, but I also could identify with the lyrics far better than I expected. I think that God used this song to show me that even though I have accepted the things in my life for the most part, I still struggle with the thought that I can never be accepted by those around me. 

The line "If I told you what I was, would you turn your back on me?" really resonated with me. I think many of us struggle with this idea. We believe that the evil we have done is too great for God, and even beyond comprehension for our friends and family. It plays to the lie that we can be too bad for God to love and forgive us. More than that if we have accepted that God can love us through everything doubt fills us that anyone else could. We see ourselves as monsters or losers or scum and we struggle to break free. 

From this feel that we are a monster, we hide. Most don't actually hide, though some do, most of us hide in plain sight. We look the way we think we need to for people to love us and for society to accept us. We try and try, but there always seems to be something stopping us from reaching what we think will make us loved and popular. We will never feel comfortable around others because we can't feel comfortable in our own skin.

All that pressure eventually gets out either in tears or shouts. Then it alienates us further, because we look unstable. The sad truth is that is barely the surface. We need a life line, we need a friend, we need a savior. We can't claw our way out there has to be that hand up. The greatest breakthroughs that I have made have been through the strength of others. 

I am on my way to freedom thanks to friends, family, counselor, and mostly my Savior. Though I can see in the eyes of people around me their own monsters lying in weight.  I have been reminded once again how great the need is to help people our of the darkness, out of the cage.

Dangerous Love

Recently I was, finally, convinced to play League of Legends. Well done David and Jay, you succeeded where many others have failed. I decided to give in simply because I have been bored lately and I figured it would be something to do. It also has the added bonus to help me stay in contact with some of my friends.

I was reluctant at first, but now I am hooked. It gets my adrenaline pumping and my heart racing. I feel like I am in the battle instead of my champion.I get to work as a team (or at least that is the goal lol) and defeat an enemy that is standing between me an victory. It is everything that I feel like I haven't been doing lately.

I think that the reason that League and other video games have such a draw for men is, because it plays exactly into how we are wired. We love warfare games because we long for battle and protecting our loved ones. We love open world games, because we desire for adventure and stacking our own claim. We love strategy games, because our minds are designed to figure things our and create new items and opportunities. Whether game makes did this intentionally or they stumbled upon it, I don't know, but it has created a massive industry that has many of the men in America enthralled.

The danger however is that these games make us feel like champions, adventurers and strategists. The reality is entirely the opposite or at least there is the potential for it to be. These games can make us passive, housebound loser. They provide for us mentally, but leave us physically inept. I am not saying that this happens to everyone, but it is like playing with fire. you might get burned.

So while I am excited to play more League I am also aware of these pitfalls. I know that I want to play the game, not let the game play me.

More Before 8am

I have often heard of these "people" who get more done before 8 a.m. than the rest of us get done in an entire day. My two prevailing thought on these people were either they didn't exist or that they were some weird hybrid between a person and a coffea plant. But in all seriousness I thought these people were wired differently or there was something intrinsically special about them. I am hear to say there isn't anything different about them other than willpower.

Today due to a busy day I knew that if I wanted to hit the gym I would have to be there by 6 a.m. which would mean getting up at 5 a.m. I will admit that when I thought of it a few expletives left my lips. However as much as I didn't want to do it, I had no choice.

So this morning my alarm goes off at 5 a.m. as promised and I swear there has never been a worse noise since the creation of the world. But I dragged my butt out of bed, got dressed, and head down stairs. Knowing that I needed to make breakfast or things would go even worse, I made some eggs and things started to get better once I had warm food in my belly.

Next stop for me was the gym. My body was as upset as I was about this whole situation, but once my pre-workout kicked in I was ready to go. Admittedly it was not my best workout, but I did it and it felt good to have it accomplished. Another perk was all the meatheads that are usually there were probably still in bed. I love an empty gym.

Having stuff to do in Lincoln this morning I shower and drive there. It is about an hour drive so I had a good chance to listen to NPR, today's topics were The Great Famine and the presidential race. Both of these were fascinating. And there is surprisingly a decent amount of traffic at 7 in the morning.

Then getting to Lincoln early, by about 40 minutes I was able to have a really good quite time about worry. I was able to take ample time to pray and dive into the scriptures. It was awesome. And all of this was before 8 a.m. I didn't even think that was possible.

In conclusion you can get a lot done before 8 a.m. shows its ugly face. I never thought it was possible, but I am now a believer in its power. Your question may be "Well Jared are you going to get up at 5 a.m. every morning now?" My answer is HELL NO. I now know it is possible, but I am not a glutton for punishment and I will enjoy my sleep.

Continuing the Battle

When I started the year I was good about going to the gym and trying to eat healthy, but after 2 months I have started to slack off. So this is my update and my recharge.

First reasons that many people don't stick with their goals is because they don't have a clear picture of why they are doing it in the first place. My goals are as listed.
    -I want to have the energy for adventures, to do the things that I long to do. Like climb a mountain, visit every National Park, but also the little adventures play a game of football, kick butt in sand volleyball, and be able to go on a hike without being winded.
    -I want to live a long healthy life. I have heart disease, diabetes, and other medical issues in my family tree and if I don't slim down and build muscle I am increase my risk for those killers.
    -I also want to like the way I look. I want to be able to take off my shirt and feel comfortable. As vain as it seems it is a legitimate motivation.

The second reason that people often fail is because they lack a clear plan of action. They have the best intentions, but when the stress and struggles of life happen the slip right back into their old habits. I am guilty of this, when I am stressed or tired or hungry I am far more prone to seek out sweets rather than looking for a more nutritious option.

Third reason is you healthy breakfast isn't so healthy. I have been trying to eat fruit for breakfast, but I have been struggling with being hungry only a few hours later. Then with the help of people more logical I realized that it is sugar and I am crashing. So following some research a high protein breakfast won't leave you hungry later on. So I am going to start having an omelet with pre-cut veggies for breakfast instead.

Fourth reason is that I am bored. I easily can lose focus and get bored with what I am doing. It becomes much easier to skip the gym and pig out on takeout. The best advice that I have come up with is support from family and friends. I haven't really involved my family or friends, and I still really don't want to but if I am going to succeed, and I am going to succeed, I need to do this.

All in all I do feel a little healthier, but I am not where I would like to be. I need to try new things to improve and I need the support from those around me.

Ideas borrowed from Prevention at http://www.prevention.com/weight-loss/your-biggest-mistakes-when-losing-50-plus-pounds/