Humanity

This word can be used to describe the human race as a whole or it can be used to describe the humanness and benevolence that humans can display. This word has been a wonder to me for a while now. The idea that this word can hold such high praise for humans while we are capable of such terrible things.

The word humanity has become a sort of social contract that we will treat each other with the decency we would like in return. Although so often this is broken by hatred and bigotry. The world seems like it is at a breaking point, that we are on the cusp of an all out attack on one another. I disagree this lack of humanity is what we have always been marked by. Though we have hidden it in different ways we have always been oppressing and destroying those we feel are against to us since Cain killed Abel. Through wars and conquest and destroying the cultural identity of others through various means.

Some would readily agree with me, especially those students of history who can cite hatred and destruction. There are those who would immediately oppose me rationalizing their actions and the actions of the past with religion, political stance, or by some imbued right. I don't believe that any of religion or political stance should be used as a means of hatred.

Religion and faith in the Creator should be the reason that we reach out to the poor and oppressed, the reason we care for the widows and orphans. We are not imbued with the right to judge the rest of humanity and execute that judgement. We are emissaries of love, compassion, and reconciliation. We are also vanguards against those who would twist true religious for power and personal gain.

Government is our own creation and it should be used to protect and govern those of different backgrounds and origins. It should not be used as weapons of oppression and destruction. Especially those of us in America, our government was created by the people for the people, all people. It has taken us a while to finally reach a point where at least on the surface we are all represented, but moving forward we can demand protection of all.

It may seem that I have lost hope in humanity, but it is the opposite I have even more hope for humanity in these times that seem dark. We are made in the image of the Creator and he has imbued us with the ability to care for those around us. Those of us redeemed are even more able to show love and compassion to the broken and downtrodden. We have the opportunity to be a voice for the voiceless and the oppressed. To stand up for those who share the title of human. Often I believe we focus on how different we are when all it takes to love is to remember what we have in common. We all love and want to be love, we all feel: happiness, sadness, joy, and defeat and, we all want to live life to the fullest. We are creations of God.

My hope is that, in this time of instant communication and information, we will not be overwhelmed by the evil and atrocities in the world, but that we will overwhelm them with love, compassion, and humanity.

Reading

Reading is magical.

For a long time I have know that books are the portals to worlds unseen. They provide the ability to see things that no longer exist or have never existed. They lets you see the most interesting of people and walk in the shoes of people very different from you. They let you escape the world around you with its stress and worries.

Though all of these things are great this is not why books are magical. Books are magical because of the affect they have on our outlook. Once you have started reading books that differ from your experiences parts of you start to grow: your imagination, you sense of wonder, your creativity. While this is happening parts of you also start to die: your bigotry, your xenophobia, you narrow world view.

 A well read person will always struggle to be closed minded unless they give up reading.

The Writing Process

Words come hard in a way
Like molasses on a cold day
The pull between truth and ease
And who am I trying to please

To lay bare my soul for all to see
To say how I feel and be free
But really I just want to hide
To seek comfort on the safe side

Reaching the limit of sharing
My deficiencies are glaring
Fighting to move out of my zone
But will the truth leave me alone

Petrified by powerful fear
Is this a hurdle I can clear...

Tattoos

I often get asked questions about my tattoos and tattoos in general. Some I get often are why did you get that? What will happen if you change your mind and don't like them? And the ever famous how much did it hurt? Today will just be a few answers to commonly asked questions about tattoos. I got the list of questions from Ella Ceron's article on Thought Catalog, but the answers are all my own. If anyone has more questions feel free to ask!

1. Did it hurt?

This question generally irritates me, because lets face it when someone is repeatedly stabbing you with a needle it is going to hurt to one degree or another. Better questions is how much did it hurt or how would you describe the pain? The best way to give you an idea of how much it hurts is to pinch yourself where you want the tattoo, and then do it about 20 more times. You get numb eventually, but it wont tickle to start off with. The way I would describe the pain is a warm sensation with occasional pinches. The pain also depends how close you are to a bone, bones hurt, but most people have the pain tolerance for tattoos.

2. Don’t you regret them? 

Be warned you will probably piss off whoever you are asking. We are sick of this question. For the most part we have thought about what we want to get for quite a while and there is a reason we got it. There are some people who regret their tattoos, but most of those include alcohol or heartbreak. Personally I will never regret any of my tattoos, because regardless of whether I like them forever they are the physical representation of memories and they represent who I was when I got them.

3. Don’t you respect yourself?

Yes I do, but from that question I am guessing you don't respect me. That is okay in my book. A similar question Christians get to this question is "Do you think your tattoo is sin?" No I don't because Leviticus 19:28 is in reference to gashing yourselves. It was not the same as tattoos today. It was a cultural law that was protecting the people of Israel from dying from infection. And in Revelation 19:16 Jesus has King of Kings and Lord of Lords tattooed on his thigh.

4. How are you going to feel about them when you’re old?

I am pretty sure that I will think they are as awesome as I do now. They may fade and look different with time, but that is okay. Personally I think it will be really cool to have a generation of grandparents that are all tatted up. And like I said before my tattoos are milestones for my life, I am excited to have them when I am old so that I can't forget the full adventurous life I have lived!

5. Does that mean you only date other people with tattoos?

Hahaha no, but it is definitely a perk. :)

6. But what does it mean?

This is probably the most dreaded question that I get. Not because I don't like sharing, I don and I knew it would happen when I got a tattoo. The reason I hate it is because people only half care, they want the 30 second teaser of the story. If you ask this question please be prepared to hear the whole story and the heart behind it, otherwise just don't ask. For you teaser people out there here are the short stories about my tattoos. I currently have two, though that will soon change. The first one I got is a anatomical heart composed of the words of 1st Thessalonians 2:8 and it is positioned over my heart. I got this because I want this verse to be at the heart of everything I do, I want it to be the very fiber of my heart. The second one I have is a iceberg in a diamond shaped box. I got this as a reminder to myself that when I meat someone I only see the top 10% and I have no right to judge them by it and a reminder to others to do the same for me.

7. How much did you pay for that?

This question offends some people, but for me I don't really care. It does depend heavily on how its asked. If there is even a hint of condensation it quickly because anger invoking.

8. What do your parents think about them?

Well I have great parents. Mom thought they were cool right away. Dad was a little slower to warm up to the idea. They both are pretty on board with them now. I can say the same for everyone I know. I have some family members who still aren't huge fans of tattoos. Overall the thing is though I am 25, I am a mostly functioning adult and have been for a while, it doesn't really matter what my parents think and its none of your business. Once again for the record they thing they are great.

9. Would you ever get them removed?

No, unless I had to for some medical reason. One it is very expensive and can be as painful as getting it done. Like I said earlier I love my tattoos and they are a part of who I am and they are a reminder of who I have been. I am going to keep mine, unless I have a really cool idea for a new one and one of my old ones is in the way. Okay probably not, but that is the only way.

Questions borrowed from http://thoughtcatalog.com/ella-ceron/2013/12/the-9-most-common-questions-people-with-tattoos-get-asked/ .

Dear Younger Me...

Dear 2005 me,

You just started a new school and you don't feel like you fit in or have any friends, trust me high school gets better. This is you chance to be who you want to be, don't let anything hold you back from trying new things. I know this is hard, but don't let others define you not with praise or lack there of. You are not as good as your hype and you are not as bad as your criticism. You will make some friends and you will have fun. Be nice to people, not because you will need anything from them, but just because it is the right thing to do. And please remember that people care about you and you aren't in this world alone. You will get through it and it gets better from there on out, see you in 11 years.



Dear 2009 me,

Though I know this will deaf ears I will try none the less. You are about to start college and I know how you are feeling. You feel like you didn't live life to the fullest in high school.  And now you are going to try to wash away your morals, your religion, your family, and your feelings away with alcohol and drugs. Heads up try as you might it won't work. But don't worry that won't last long. You will have your life changed and make friends that will last you a lifetime. This new life is going to take you places you never expected, so get excited. Things won't always be easy and you are going to have some dark times, but remember people love you and you are not alone. You are going to have adventures and love it. It won't last forever so don't miss out because you are tired or lazy. There will soon come a time when you want to do things and there aren't crazy things happening constantly. Enjoy it and see you in seven years.



Dear 2013 me,

Dude you are about to start student teaching. Fair warning you are not going to enjoy it and you will figure out that teaching isn't for you, but that is okay we wouldn't trade college for anything. You have just seen your life change over the past four years, and it won't stop there. And sorry it doesn't get easier. Soon things are going to happen that are going to be so heart breaking that you will shut down. If I thought you would listen (I know you won't we are still stubborn) I would tell you to reach out when the pain strikes, don't hide it away. You are going to feel directionless, but God has so much in store for you and he knows exactly where you need to be. It is going to take you longer to get there than you would like, but we will get there. Its not all doom and gloom you will make even more new friends and you will figure out that no one knows what is going on. You will be okay, trust me. See you in three years.



Dear 2020 me,

We have come through a lot so far and I can't even imagine what you have seen that is in store for me. I am excited to see what is coming. I am still struggling with stuff, but I know that God has a plan and all of this will make sense either this side of eternity or the next. I know that I have great friends and that I will make even more. I hope you are still keeping in touch with them, you aren't too busy and it isn't a hassle. You had better still be relying on the Lord for everything and realizing that even if things are hard with Him they are harder without and we have seen the evidence of that. Remember that if you aren't where people say you should be you are right where God wants you. Remember to have fun no matter what. You are never too stressed, too broke, too busy, or too anything to have a good laugh and do something crazy. Well Mr. 2020 good luck I am sure the world is a very different place. Have fun and see you in four years

April Resolution (Revisited)

So I know it is already the sixth of April, but I have finally decided what I am resolving to do this month. Continuing in the theme of self improvement I have a two part resolution.

The first part will be to learn how to and implement meal planning. Today I went to the grocery story and bought enough supplies to make meals for the next 10 days. It was an eye opening experience, I bought mostly veggies and lean meat and fruit and I spent far less than I usually do. I am excited to go home tonight and prepare these meals.

The second part is I am going to read a new book that I ordered call A Hobbit, a Wardrobe, and a Great War: How J.R.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis Rediscovered Faith, Friendship, and Heroism in the Cataclysm of 1914-1918 by Joseph Loconate. I am very excited for this book because it delves into the lives of two of my favorite authors and looks at their faith and inspiration. Later in the month after I finish the book I will give you a full run down of what I think.

Glad that is decided. Have a Happy Wednesday!

Jeep or Bike

This post is going to be far less deep than what I usually write, but this is what is on my mind today.

So the above picture is the ideal, this is the combo I want a jeep with all-terrain bike(probably a dual sport bike) in the back. However, because I need to be somewhat fiscally responsible I will only get one. They both promote and outdoor life. They inspire adventure and exploration and just good honest fun. They both have pros and cons that the other one doesn't. So lets look the pros and cons for me:

Pros:

Versatile all terrain vehicle 

Possible to use in all types of weather

Decent for long trips

Room to haul anything from camping supplies to a motorcycle

Able to talk with people riding with you

Fun to drive around in

Rugged and durable

Cons:

Not great gas mileage 

Higher cost than a bike

Not the easiest to get into for all people

Pros:

Versatile from road to off road

Great gas mileage

Fun activity to do with people

A different form of transit than 4 wheel vehicles

Can park almost any where

Easy to maneuver  

Cheaper than a Jeep

Cons:

Not ideal for long trips

Very little hauling capacity

Need to take the class and get my license 

So this is where I am at so far. I am still at an impasse on which would be the better purchase or which I would enjoy more.

I am open to suggestions and comments especially from people who have one or the other. Even better if you have both!

Lifeboats

I knew this was going to be a bad weekend. I could feel it coming on and I could feel the darkness slipping lies into my heart. I knew that unabated I would be prone to lash outs in either anger or anguish. I knew I was vulnerable so that was why I was so excited to be able to have friends around me.

I have the frame work to deal with these situations when they arise. I am able to identify the triggering events. I am able identify the lies that the enemy infects me with. And I am able replace them with the truth the is found in the gospel. I know how to do all of these things, but I don't always have the strength to do them.

That's where wonderful friends come in. Friends who remind me of who I am and of the hope that I have. They show me that I am loved and that I have purpose in life. They allow me to see the good in the world and to shed light on the shadows. They help me have fun and remember that life isn't as serious as I make it out to be. My friends are my strength. And they do it all without even knowing it.

This weekend great, it was full of games, unhealthy food, a terrible movie, and a little yard work. It was exactly what I needed. I was able to focus on other things, while also having plenty of time to internally process things in a safe, loving environment. I still came close to lashing out, but with their help I was able to hold it at bay and understand why I was feeling these ways.

My friends are lifeboats whenever I need them. Thanks Jay, Claire, and David.