As some people know I have struggled with clinical depression for a large majority of life and it is still something that I have to deal with and be aware of to this day. With depression, many people think that it is just being sad all of the time. That is part of it, I definitely felt sad at times. There is also so much more, there is an overwhelming numbness that you feel to all emotions, you lose interest in the people and things that you love, and it really a scary place to be. For years of my life, I had to force laughter in moments I knew should be funny so that no one would notice and no one would ask why I wasn't acting normal. More than that I lost the ability to genuinely cry as well. I still cried, but for myself and only myself. I couldn't feel compassion or joy for other people. I learned how to function as a normal person, but it was just a mask. As much as I longed to feel and live life to the fullest depression was robbing me of it. Some people call it smiling depression, it's dealing with it on the inside, but hiding it on the outside. Even the people who appear the happiest, can be the ones fighting for their life on the inside. Anyone can be dealing with this, don't be afraid to ask someone you think might be struggling. They won't be offended, they will be happy to know someone care.
Back to my story, I was in a very dark place, but I had great friends and family who helped me get help. Now that I have gotten help and I am out of the mire I was in, I try to laugh and cry at least once a day. This probably seems forced or just plain weird to some people, but now that I have the freedom to laugh and cry I want that experience every chance I can. So thank you to the people who help me laugh and make me cry, and really everyone who helps me feel anything at all. If anyone wants to share stories that have made them laugh or cry, or about depression I am always here to listen!
