A Stake in the Ground

This week is something of a milestone. This week I will finish my first full workout plan, I have been at it 3 months. It has been quite a journey of highs and lows. I have felt moments of triumph doing things that I thought physically unattainable. And I have had moments of failure giving into momentary temptation instead of holding to the reasons I started this. I started this journey at 290 pounds and now I am down to 270, it feels like quite and accomplishment, but I am no where near where I want to be. I am stronger and faster and I can go further that I thought I could. I was worried that it would be hard to reach this point, I wasn't sure I would still have sight of my goals. I was wrong, my goals get clearer and stronger each day.

My first goal is to live a healthier life. I found out just before starting this journey that I had put my body in a precarious situation. I had high cholesterol, was it a major concern? Right then, no it wasn't yet an issue. It could become one quickly though. Neglecting the needs that God created my body with I had desecrated the one gift that we are all given to start this life. I had taken what should be a temple to the Lord and turned it into a dumping ground for what ever brightly or sugar coated sweet that was with in reach. Taking control of what I was eating has been a great (if not always tasty) change. I am eating when i am hungry and not just because I am bored. I am also eating fruits and vegetables, which before I avoid most of all of God's creations.

My second goal is to be able to do the fun things I want to. I had reach a point where even a flight of stairs could wind me and running was out of the question (unless it was for the last cookie). I have never been in great shape, but I want that to change. I want to be able to do the fun, athletic thing that I had never done or could no longer do. Though I am no marathoner I can run without feeling like death and I have no fear of playing sports with my friends. Find and sticking to a workout plan has been so hard, but it has been so rewarding. It hurt at first but I have developed a rhythm and am starting to see progress. I have discovered there are days where you just don't want to do it, and those are they days the battle is won. Going more makes going more easier.

My third goal is to look good. Its vain, but it keeps me going even on the days when the other two don't.

That is my update for today, I am currently looking for my next workout and as always on the lookout for new meal prep recipes. I will keep you updated on the progress.

One of my Fantasy Teams

My Next Step

As some of you may have seen I have been accepted to the Masters of Science in Clinical Counseling program at Bellevue University. That in of itself might be post worthy, but the real thing I am posting about is the question that I keep getting asked by everyone who know. "Are you excited?" On the surface that should be an easy question and in the end it is an easy question, but there is a lot rolled up in my emotions about my next step.

So on the surface if you want the short answer, I am excited. This is what I have wanted to do for quite a while now. In the end the answer is yes, I am excited, but I am feel many other things as well. I am nervous, because I really have no idea what to expect. I mean I know what a counselor does, but I don't know what my professors will be like or if I am ready to be back in school. I am eager to learn again, I actually miss lecture (as crazy as that sounds). I am ready to pursue more classes that interest me.

I am also a little terrified. I am scared that I will fall flat on my face. I am scared that I will not be smart enough to do well in my classes. I am happy that I will be able to use what I learn to help people, though I don't know in what capacity or where. I am happy to know that I have a wonderful support system to help me through this. I am uncertain how I will respond or how I should respond when my beliefs are called out in the classes I take and my peers and professors. I am feeling everything and it all seems to be a bit over whelming.

Although on top of and through it all I am excited. I am excited that I am scared and nervous, because it will make me have to trust God for my sufficiency and my strength. I am excited to face the uncertainty on having my beliefs criticized because it will allow me to hold true and deepen the convictions that God has given me. I am excited to step out in faith and have God establish and direct where my foot will land. I am excited for this next step.

Picture borrowed from http://www.careerocean.com/wordclouds/mental-health-counselor.jpg

Humanity

This word can be used to describe the human race as a whole or it can be used to describe the humanness and benevolence that humans can display. This word has been a wonder to me for a while now. The idea that this word can hold such high praise for humans while we are capable of such terrible things.

The word humanity has become a sort of social contract that we will treat each other with the decency we would like in return. Although so often this is broken by hatred and bigotry. The world seems like it is at a breaking point, that we are on the cusp of an all out attack on one another. I disagree this lack of humanity is what we have always been marked by. Though we have hidden it in different ways we have always been oppressing and destroying those we feel are against to us since Cain killed Abel. Through wars and conquest and destroying the cultural identity of others through various means.

Some would readily agree with me, especially those students of history who can cite hatred and destruction. There are those who would immediately oppose me rationalizing their actions and the actions of the past with religion, political stance, or by some imbued right. I don't believe that any of religion or political stance should be used as a means of hatred.

Religion and faith in the Creator should be the reason that we reach out to the poor and oppressed, the reason we care for the widows and orphans. We are not imbued with the right to judge the rest of humanity and execute that judgement. We are emissaries of love, compassion, and reconciliation. We are also vanguards against those who would twist true religious for power and personal gain.

Government is our own creation and it should be used to protect and govern those of different backgrounds and origins. It should not be used as weapons of oppression and destruction. Especially those of us in America, our government was created by the people for the people, all people. It has taken us a while to finally reach a point where at least on the surface we are all represented, but moving forward we can demand protection of all.

It may seem that I have lost hope in humanity, but it is the opposite I have even more hope for humanity in these times that seem dark. We are made in the image of the Creator and he has imbued us with the ability to care for those around us. Those of us redeemed are even more able to show love and compassion to the broken and downtrodden. We have the opportunity to be a voice for the voiceless and the oppressed. To stand up for those who share the title of human. Often I believe we focus on how different we are when all it takes to love is to remember what we have in common. We all love and want to be love, we all feel: happiness, sadness, joy, and defeat and, we all want to live life to the fullest. We are creations of God.

My hope is that, in this time of instant communication and information, we will not be overwhelmed by the evil and atrocities in the world, but that we will overwhelm them with love, compassion, and humanity.

Reading

Reading is magical.

For a long time I have know that books are the portals to worlds unseen. They provide the ability to see things that no longer exist or have never existed. They lets you see the most interesting of people and walk in the shoes of people very different from you. They let you escape the world around you with its stress and worries.

Though all of these things are great this is not why books are magical. Books are magical because of the affect they have on our outlook. Once you have started reading books that differ from your experiences parts of you start to grow: your imagination, you sense of wonder, your creativity. While this is happening parts of you also start to die: your bigotry, your xenophobia, you narrow world view.

 A well read person will always struggle to be closed minded unless they give up reading.

The Writing Process

Words come hard in a way
Like molasses on a cold day
The pull between truth and ease
And who am I trying to please

To lay bare my soul for all to see
To say how I feel and be free
But really I just want to hide
To seek comfort on the safe side

Reaching the limit of sharing
My deficiencies are glaring
Fighting to move out of my zone
But will the truth leave me alone

Petrified by powerful fear
Is this a hurdle I can clear...

Tattoos

I often get asked questions about my tattoos and tattoos in general. Some I get often are why did you get that? What will happen if you change your mind and don't like them? And the ever famous how much did it hurt? Today will just be a few answers to commonly asked questions about tattoos. I got the list of questions from Ella Ceron's article on Thought Catalog, but the answers are all my own. If anyone has more questions feel free to ask!

1. Did it hurt?

This question generally irritates me, because lets face it when someone is repeatedly stabbing you with a needle it is going to hurt to one degree or another. Better questions is how much did it hurt or how would you describe the pain? The best way to give you an idea of how much it hurts is to pinch yourself where you want the tattoo, and then do it about 20 more times. You get numb eventually, but it wont tickle to start off with. The way I would describe the pain is a warm sensation with occasional pinches. The pain also depends how close you are to a bone, bones hurt, but most people have the pain tolerance for tattoos.

2. Don’t you regret them? 

Be warned you will probably piss off whoever you are asking. We are sick of this question. For the most part we have thought about what we want to get for quite a while and there is a reason we got it. There are some people who regret their tattoos, but most of those include alcohol or heartbreak. Personally I will never regret any of my tattoos, because regardless of whether I like them forever they are the physical representation of memories and they represent who I was when I got them.

3. Don’t you respect yourself?

Yes I do, but from that question I am guessing you don't respect me. That is okay in my book. A similar question Christians get to this question is "Do you think your tattoo is sin?" No I don't because Leviticus 19:28 is in reference to gashing yourselves. It was not the same as tattoos today. It was a cultural law that was protecting the people of Israel from dying from infection. And in Revelation 19:16 Jesus has King of Kings and Lord of Lords tattooed on his thigh.

4. How are you going to feel about them when you’re old?

I am pretty sure that I will think they are as awesome as I do now. They may fade and look different with time, but that is okay. Personally I think it will be really cool to have a generation of grandparents that are all tatted up. And like I said before my tattoos are milestones for my life, I am excited to have them when I am old so that I can't forget the full adventurous life I have lived!

5. Does that mean you only date other people with tattoos?

Hahaha no, but it is definitely a perk. :)

6. But what does it mean?

This is probably the most dreaded question that I get. Not because I don't like sharing, I don and I knew it would happen when I got a tattoo. The reason I hate it is because people only half care, they want the 30 second teaser of the story. If you ask this question please be prepared to hear the whole story and the heart behind it, otherwise just don't ask. For you teaser people out there here are the short stories about my tattoos. I currently have two, though that will soon change. The first one I got is a anatomical heart composed of the words of 1st Thessalonians 2:8 and it is positioned over my heart. I got this because I want this verse to be at the heart of everything I do, I want it to be the very fiber of my heart. The second one I have is a iceberg in a diamond shaped box. I got this as a reminder to myself that when I meat someone I only see the top 10% and I have no right to judge them by it and a reminder to others to do the same for me.

7. How much did you pay for that?

This question offends some people, but for me I don't really care. It does depend heavily on how its asked. If there is even a hint of condensation it quickly because anger invoking.

8. What do your parents think about them?

Well I have great parents. Mom thought they were cool right away. Dad was a little slower to warm up to the idea. They both are pretty on board with them now. I can say the same for everyone I know. I have some family members who still aren't huge fans of tattoos. Overall the thing is though I am 25, I am a mostly functioning adult and have been for a while, it doesn't really matter what my parents think and its none of your business. Once again for the record they thing they are great.

9. Would you ever get them removed?

No, unless I had to for some medical reason. One it is very expensive and can be as painful as getting it done. Like I said earlier I love my tattoos and they are a part of who I am and they are a reminder of who I have been. I am going to keep mine, unless I have a really cool idea for a new one and one of my old ones is in the way. Okay probably not, but that is the only way.

Questions borrowed from http://thoughtcatalog.com/ella-ceron/2013/12/the-9-most-common-questions-people-with-tattoos-get-asked/ .