Monster

Monster by Imagine Dragons

Ever since I could remember,

Everything inside of me,

Just wanted to fit in 

I was never one for pretenders,

Everything I tried to be,

Just wouldn't settle in 

If I told you what I was,

Would you turn your back on me?

And if I seem dangerous,

Would you be scared?

I get the feeling just because,

Everything I touch isn't dark enough

If this problem lies in me

I'm only a man with a candle to guide me,

I'm taking a stand to escape what's inside me.

A monster, a monster,

I've turned into a monster,

A monster, a monster,

And it keeps getting stronger.

Can I clear my conscience,

If I'm different from the rest,

Do I have to run and hide? 

I never said that I want this,

This burden came to me,

And it's made it's home inside 

If I told you what I was,

Would you turn your back on me?

And if I seem dangerous,

Would you be scared?

I get the feeling just because,

Everything I touch isn't dark enough

If this problem lies in me

I'm only a man with a candle to guide me,

I'm taking a stand to escape what's inside me.

A monster, a monster,

I've turned into a monster,

A monster, a monster,

And it keeps getting stronger.

I'm only a man with a candle to guide me,

I'm taking a stand to escape what's inside me.

A monster, a monster,

I've turned into a monster,

A monster, a monster,

And it keeps getting stronger.

I heard this song today for the first time and I liked it instantly. I liked the sound, but I also could identify with the lyrics far better than I expected. I think that God used this song to show me that even though I have accepted the things in my life for the most part, I still struggle with the thought that I can never be accepted by those around me. 

The line "If I told you what I was, would you turn your back on me?" really resonated with me. I think many of us struggle with this idea. We believe that the evil we have done is too great for God, and even beyond comprehension for our friends and family. It plays to the lie that we can be too bad for God to love and forgive us. More than that if we have accepted that God can love us through everything doubt fills us that anyone else could. We see ourselves as monsters or losers or scum and we struggle to break free. 

From this feel that we are a monster, we hide. Most don't actually hide, though some do, most of us hide in plain sight. We look the way we think we need to for people to love us and for society to accept us. We try and try, but there always seems to be something stopping us from reaching what we think will make us loved and popular. We will never feel comfortable around others because we can't feel comfortable in our own skin.

All that pressure eventually gets out either in tears or shouts. Then it alienates us further, because we look unstable. The sad truth is that is barely the surface. We need a life line, we need a friend, we need a savior. We can't claw our way out there has to be that hand up. The greatest breakthroughs that I have made have been through the strength of others. 

I am on my way to freedom thanks to friends, family, counselor, and mostly my Savior. Though I can see in the eyes of people around me their own monsters lying in weight.  I have been reminded once again how great the need is to help people our of the darkness, out of the cage.