Every Watch

You will not fear the terror of night,

nor the arrow that flies by day,

 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,

nor the plague that destroys at midday.

~Psalm 91:5-6

I read the above verse for my time with God this morning. I had to post it because it is such a comfort. That we have no need to fear at anytime of the day, because God is always with us. It is just what I needed today.

Out of the Flame into the Fire

With the current political situation I have started to fear that America will never be the nation that it once was. That even if there are up swings we are headed in an overall downward trajectory. With freedoms of some protected while others are exploited. With people doing whatever they want whenever they want, giving no regard to who it hurts. Even within the church seeing people who are disillusioned and self centered. Then I wonder why am I surprised.

Often I believe that I subconsciously think that God Bless America is in the Bible, but God never promises that the nation we live in will prosper. The one nation state that God interacts with and favors in the Bible had a really rough go of it. All through history the people of God have faced pain and persecution, they have been conquered and put into captivity. Where did we get the idea that we, as Americans, are divinely chosen to be the most prosperous country in the world? And that even if we are blessed to be prosperous that it won't be a difficult, painful process that will separate those truly seeking the heart of God from those who aren't.

Though I don't like the potential political landscape of the United States, every time that the nation of Israel went through terrible circumstances in the bible it sparked a renewed devotion to God. The people who lived through it gained renewed vision and were very usable for God's will.

For most of my life I have braced myself for the next bad thing that was going to happen. Dreading the idea of going through another painful situation that could take any amount of time to resolve itself. This week I was challenged to focus less on the situation itself and instead focus on the result. After processing a while I realized that after the hard times I was in a place where God could work most easily. I was brought low so then I could be rebuilt into more of the image of Christ.

Although my flesh cries for comfort and ease in life, I know that getting that would cause me to stop growing. I need the challenges and the upheaval in my life to really spur my growth and more importantly bring me to a place where I am ready to grow.  So regardless of what happens in November God will still be good, Jesus will have still died for our sins, and it might just bring us to a place where the church can grow.

Forever We'll Be

Based on a video I watched today...

A story of rights, rituals and rules
Revealing how quick love makes a fool
Seeking an ever elusive prize
Sifting through the truth and lies

A glimpse caught, from across a room
But it will lead to eventual doom
Hope persists and moves my feet
The dance again ends in defeat

The scene plays out a thousand times
Fueled by liquid courage and lime
Reaching the point of desperation
Running around in utter frustration

The resignation starts to set in
Wondering what was your deadly sin
Denied the promise of loving embrace
Hopelessness smacking you right in the face

Doing the motions, because life must gone on
Accepting the pain at each passing dawn
Pondering the past full of strife
Have I been unlovable my entire life?

Entirely unassuming, but chance plays its part
A new companion and my life restarts
Developed without any ruses or games
A love so pure my heart is aflame

Quickly restoring a part thought dead
Unsure, caught between heart and head
Give in with the chance of passion and pain
Or harden my heart and from life abstain

This is my chance, the moment I decide
My stomach is twisting and turning inside
I take the hand and bind my soul 
And I am sure, at last, I have filled the hole

The joy inside rarely held before
I have the partner I want, I need no more
Life is not easy, but you're next to me
Together in all, forever we'll be

Monster

Monster by Imagine Dragons

Ever since I could remember,

Everything inside of me,

Just wanted to fit in 

I was never one for pretenders,

Everything I tried to be,

Just wouldn't settle in 

If I told you what I was,

Would you turn your back on me?

And if I seem dangerous,

Would you be scared?

I get the feeling just because,

Everything I touch isn't dark enough

If this problem lies in me

I'm only a man with a candle to guide me,

I'm taking a stand to escape what's inside me.

A monster, a monster,

I've turned into a monster,

A monster, a monster,

And it keeps getting stronger.

Can I clear my conscience,

If I'm different from the rest,

Do I have to run and hide? 

I never said that I want this,

This burden came to me,

And it's made it's home inside 

If I told you what I was,

Would you turn your back on me?

And if I seem dangerous,

Would you be scared?

I get the feeling just because,

Everything I touch isn't dark enough

If this problem lies in me

I'm only a man with a candle to guide me,

I'm taking a stand to escape what's inside me.

A monster, a monster,

I've turned into a monster,

A monster, a monster,

And it keeps getting stronger.

I'm only a man with a candle to guide me,

I'm taking a stand to escape what's inside me.

A monster, a monster,

I've turned into a monster,

A monster, a monster,

And it keeps getting stronger.

I heard this song today for the first time and I liked it instantly. I liked the sound, but I also could identify with the lyrics far better than I expected. I think that God used this song to show me that even though I have accepted the things in my life for the most part, I still struggle with the thought that I can never be accepted by those around me. 

The line "If I told you what I was, would you turn your back on me?" really resonated with me. I think many of us struggle with this idea. We believe that the evil we have done is too great for God, and even beyond comprehension for our friends and family. It plays to the lie that we can be too bad for God to love and forgive us. More than that if we have accepted that God can love us through everything doubt fills us that anyone else could. We see ourselves as monsters or losers or scum and we struggle to break free. 

From this feel that we are a monster, we hide. Most don't actually hide, though some do, most of us hide in plain sight. We look the way we think we need to for people to love us and for society to accept us. We try and try, but there always seems to be something stopping us from reaching what we think will make us loved and popular. We will never feel comfortable around others because we can't feel comfortable in our own skin.

All that pressure eventually gets out either in tears or shouts. Then it alienates us further, because we look unstable. The sad truth is that is barely the surface. We need a life line, we need a friend, we need a savior. We can't claw our way out there has to be that hand up. The greatest breakthroughs that I have made have been through the strength of others. 

I am on my way to freedom thanks to friends, family, counselor, and mostly my Savior. Though I can see in the eyes of people around me their own monsters lying in weight.  I have been reminded once again how great the need is to help people our of the darkness, out of the cage.

Dangerous Love

Recently I was, finally, convinced to play League of Legends. Well done David and Jay, you succeeded where many others have failed. I decided to give in simply because I have been bored lately and I figured it would be something to do. It also has the added bonus to help me stay in contact with some of my friends.

I was reluctant at first, but now I am hooked. It gets my adrenaline pumping and my heart racing. I feel like I am in the battle instead of my champion.I get to work as a team (or at least that is the goal lol) and defeat an enemy that is standing between me an victory. It is everything that I feel like I haven't been doing lately.

I think that the reason that League and other video games have such a draw for men is, because it plays exactly into how we are wired. We love warfare games because we long for battle and protecting our loved ones. We love open world games, because we desire for adventure and stacking our own claim. We love strategy games, because our minds are designed to figure things our and create new items and opportunities. Whether game makes did this intentionally or they stumbled upon it, I don't know, but it has created a massive industry that has many of the men in America enthralled.

The danger however is that these games make us feel like champions, adventurers and strategists. The reality is entirely the opposite or at least there is the potential for it to be. These games can make us passive, housebound loser. They provide for us mentally, but leave us physically inept. I am not saying that this happens to everyone, but it is like playing with fire. you might get burned.

So while I am excited to play more League I am also aware of these pitfalls. I know that I want to play the game, not let the game play me.

More Before 8am

I have often heard of these "people" who get more done before 8 a.m. than the rest of us get done in an entire day. My two prevailing thought on these people were either they didn't exist or that they were some weird hybrid between a person and a coffea plant. But in all seriousness I thought these people were wired differently or there was something intrinsically special about them. I am hear to say there isn't anything different about them other than willpower.

Today due to a busy day I knew that if I wanted to hit the gym I would have to be there by 6 a.m. which would mean getting up at 5 a.m. I will admit that when I thought of it a few expletives left my lips. However as much as I didn't want to do it, I had no choice.

So this morning my alarm goes off at 5 a.m. as promised and I swear there has never been a worse noise since the creation of the world. But I dragged my butt out of bed, got dressed, and head down stairs. Knowing that I needed to make breakfast or things would go even worse, I made some eggs and things started to get better once I had warm food in my belly.

Next stop for me was the gym. My body was as upset as I was about this whole situation, but once my pre-workout kicked in I was ready to go. Admittedly it was not my best workout, but I did it and it felt good to have it accomplished. Another perk was all the meatheads that are usually there were probably still in bed. I love an empty gym.

Having stuff to do in Lincoln this morning I shower and drive there. It is about an hour drive so I had a good chance to listen to NPR, today's topics were The Great Famine and the presidential race. Both of these were fascinating. And there is surprisingly a decent amount of traffic at 7 in the morning.

Then getting to Lincoln early, by about 40 minutes I was able to have a really good quite time about worry. I was able to take ample time to pray and dive into the scriptures. It was awesome. And all of this was before 8 a.m. I didn't even think that was possible.

In conclusion you can get a lot done before 8 a.m. shows its ugly face. I never thought it was possible, but I am now a believer in its power. Your question may be "Well Jared are you going to get up at 5 a.m. every morning now?" My answer is HELL NO. I now know it is possible, but I am not a glutton for punishment and I will enjoy my sleep.

Continuing the Battle

When I started the year I was good about going to the gym and trying to eat healthy, but after 2 months I have started to slack off. So this is my update and my recharge.

First reasons that many people don't stick with their goals is because they don't have a clear picture of why they are doing it in the first place. My goals are as listed.
    -I want to have the energy for adventures, to do the things that I long to do. Like climb a mountain, visit every National Park, but also the little adventures play a game of football, kick butt in sand volleyball, and be able to go on a hike without being winded.
    -I want to live a long healthy life. I have heart disease, diabetes, and other medical issues in my family tree and if I don't slim down and build muscle I am increase my risk for those killers.
    -I also want to like the way I look. I want to be able to take off my shirt and feel comfortable. As vain as it seems it is a legitimate motivation.

The second reason that people often fail is because they lack a clear plan of action. They have the best intentions, but when the stress and struggles of life happen the slip right back into their old habits. I am guilty of this, when I am stressed or tired or hungry I am far more prone to seek out sweets rather than looking for a more nutritious option.

Third reason is you healthy breakfast isn't so healthy. I have been trying to eat fruit for breakfast, but I have been struggling with being hungry only a few hours later. Then with the help of people more logical I realized that it is sugar and I am crashing. So following some research a high protein breakfast won't leave you hungry later on. So I am going to start having an omelet with pre-cut veggies for breakfast instead.

Fourth reason is that I am bored. I easily can lose focus and get bored with what I am doing. It becomes much easier to skip the gym and pig out on takeout. The best advice that I have come up with is support from family and friends. I haven't really involved my family or friends, and I still really don't want to but if I am going to succeed, and I am going to succeed, I need to do this.

All in all I do feel a little healthier, but I am not where I would like to be. I need to try new things to improve and I need the support from those around me.

Ideas borrowed from Prevention at http://www.prevention.com/weight-loss/your-biggest-mistakes-when-losing-50-plus-pounds/